Dear 2020,

In January I thought you would be a year of power and change. The world thought you would be leading us to a clearer path, our vision was supposed to be 2020. Reflecting on our relationship I realize this was wrong. The promises you brought in the beginning were filled with hope and ambition, unfortunately you have stripped all of this away and more. As the months went on the world was turned upside down. You brought us Covid 19, you brought us disease, you tore us away from our families and friends, and for that I cannot forgive you. You have filled me with fear, terror, anxiety, loneliness, and loss. You have broken my heart in many ways, but the one thing you didn’t break was my positivity and light. I will always look for those brighter days even when there seems to be none. I will reach out to my loved ones in whatever means I can. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together, and I really hope this is true.

Thinking back on the year it’s hard to even imagine what life was like in January and February. There were days that felt like seconds and days that felt like months. Time did not exist. I traveled home for the holidays, I went on a trip with some friends, and even celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. There were rumors about the virus spreading and even tales of what the pandemic was like overseas, but in America? Nothing yet…or so we thought. People were getting sick…but it was just a bad flu? We don’t need masks, we can go to work, we don’t need to shut down. Suddenly, our world was flipped upside down faster than anyone could expect. One day I was at work and the next I was packing up my desk with whatever I could carry, not knowing when I would return to the office. My desk is still filled with notebooks, papers, photos, etc. that I haven’t seen in months. Luckily, I had the opportunity to start working from home and although it was a change, I enjoyed it. Then two weeks later I was furloughed and on unemployment, this lasted for almost 4 months. I am lucky that I still had a job to return to…but the anticipation of not knowing when was tough. I remember listening and hearing the words “furlough” and it shook me. I felt lost.

I could go on and on about the negative times, but they weren’t all bad. I will give you credit for a few positive moments.

• On January 1st last year I posted about all the love 2019 brought me and I couldn’t wait to see how much more love 2020 would bring. I will say that with all the downs from the year, there were always people standing beside me. I felt loved in many ways. So the first thing that was true about 2020, was that you brought me more love. 
• In May I moved in with my boyfriend and I’m so happy I did. We are more connected than ever before and I didn’t realize then how much we would need each other. Soon after moving in, my boyfriend experienced a tragic and unexpected loss, and it’s still something we are working through together. Through the changes, vulnerability, and moments of sadness he has never left my side. You have taught us to be kind and patient.
• The next achievement you brought to me was my blog. I have wanted for so long to share my passions and ideas with the world and finally gave myself the push and strength to do so.
• As a society we have figured out how to be together when we can’t physically be together. Celebrations were different and traditions changed, but we were still able to experience some things with one another digitally. You helped us realize how easy it is to reach out to someone. I often find myself saying “Why don’t we do this more?”
• This year I rediscovered my creativity and passion to inspire others. As many of you know this year was the summer of tie dye and baking bread. I have to admit I dabbled many times in both of those areas, so much so that we tie dyed Christmas pajamas. At the start of the pandemic I lived with my sister and having her by my side made everything better. Together we tried new things almost every week. Tie dye, baking, DIY furniture, photography, writing and more. Luckily we moved into the same apartment complex so I still get to see her all the time. You gave me the time to breathe, to try new things, and rediscover what I am passionate about.

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2020, We have experienced so much together in a short amount of time. Thank you for helping me grow, change, and to push myself, but it’s time to move on. I will value the time we spent together because you still helped to create who I am today. I have lived a part of history I never thought I would experience. I don’t know if I will ever get over you, but I will share our story.

It’s not me, it’s you. 

Alexandra